We’ve arrived at the penultimate episode of MAFS Dallas!!! I can barely contain my excitement. Because that means next week is Decision Day (DD) and the last time I have to watch this annoying cast. Yay! I’m posting this a day late because I’m feeling under the weather, so last night I chose sleep over the snoozefest of this show.
Let’s get to it. (I’m thrilled to note this week’s episode is only an hour again. Thank goodness. Those extended shows were nonsense!)
The episode opens with Dr. Pepper outlining how stressful this process can be, particularly as the experiment winds down. This is the time not to leave things unsaid before DD.
Amber and Dave are reminiscing about their first honeymoon and now they want to enjoy this one, too. Amber says she liked the first one and felt they made some of their best connections there, particularly as they didn’t fight at all. (I guess she forgets that dancing debacle where Dave acted like a big-ass baby because he didn’t want to dance and was hot and sweaty…) Dave clearly disagrees with her, and makes a (long-winded) case for how, in fact, they’ve formed better bonds since the honeymoon because they know each other better. Amber nods.
Bobby and Danielle wake up and Bobby makes his master, er, his wife, Danielle, some cinnamon rolls because she’s hungry and cinnamon rolls are her favorite thing. Bobby’s first thought at the beginning of each day is Danielle, so he’s happy to make them for her. Meanwhile, Danielle tells camera that it’s “super stressful” to know she has to make a decision about her marriage in only a week. Um, yeah. See, I don’t so much feel like there’s much stress involved in this particular decision. There’s no way Bobby is even considering seeking a divorce which means there’s no real worry of “does my spouse want to be with me???” So really what this comes down to is does Danielle want a guy who adores her and the dogs she fosters, who picks up dog poop so she can sleep, who makes her cinnamon rolls and most other meals, who packs her lunch, who professes his love for her and doesn’t make a thing of it when she doesn’t say it back… or, like, does she not? Hmm. Maybe that IS super stressful. Danielle and Bobby talk about how they’re going fishing. Danielle agrees to wear waders but is concerned she may have to put bugs on the hooks. Bobby wishes Danielle would tell him how she feels.
Tristan, no longer in a robe, receives a phone call from Mia asking if he wants to get things out in the open. Mia arrives. They rehash the nonsense from the previous week. Tristan says that because Mia threw the “d-word” around (divorce), if DD was this week, he’d say no. Mia doesn’t like hearing that. She wanted him to say he wants to stay married. That’s why she said the divorce thing in the first place. Tristan says he can’t be perfect in every situation (or even any) that comes up and he’s spent. Good lord. Neither of these individuals should be married. Not to each other and not to anyone. Despite this very obvious fact, Tristan says hearing Mia is still committed to the marriage makes him happy so they can work it out. She moves over to cuddle against him. She’s got some unsightly scars/bruises on her upper arm. Wondering what the heck happened there? Owee.
Danielle and Bobby are going fishing. Danielle tells Bobby how, before they met, she was worried about what his last name would be. Luckily, she’s happy with his name. Bobby and Danielle arrive to the water. Bobby finds Danielle attractive in her low-key ensemble without makeup. He just wants to hang with her. They fish. Danielle catches a fish but recoils from it. Bobby takes care of things as usual.
Amber and Dave are toasting mimosas on a windy veranda. Amber makes a speech about how she feels like one chapter is ending and they’re about to embark on the next stage. She seems hopeful. Downer Dave is quick to point out how they committed to the 8 weeks, but they need to get it to a point where they’re committed to each other. Amber seems taken aback. She asks if he would still want to be at a resort with her if he didn’t have to be. He says that’s beside the point. She says no it isn’t. She demands to know if he would choose to be at this resort with her if he hadn’t committed to the experiment, since she has real feelings for him and their real marriage and she’s wondering if he does too. Dave shuts down. He tells camera that he gets frustrated when Amber acts like this because he’s told her lots of times how he feels strongly for her and he shows her routinely, and even though he’s aware that all he has to do right now is say “yes” to her question, he’s not because he’s frustrated and annoyed. Amber pushes. Dave pushes back. Almost with the exact same dialogue a second time. Back from commercial, the show replays it again (so it feels like the 3rd time, but actually it’s the 2nd time being played a 2nd time…) Dave tells Amber to let him experience things the way he experiences them and not try to make him experience it the way she is. He wants to get there with her, he does have feelings for her, but it’s a process and he needs time. The music changes and Amber says that sounds better than before and Dave says even with frustration, at least there’s honesty. Amber still wants a fun day.
Mia and Tristan set up a picnic on the lake. Tristan is wearing socks with sandals and I can’t even with that. Like, not at all. They’re talking about their roller coaster experience and how it’s been mentally, physically, and emotionally draining at times. For the viewers, too, dudes. Mia asks what she can do to make Tristan feel more loved. He says consistency. Mia wants affirmations. They say “I love you.” They go off to skip rocks.
Danielle and Bobby are drinking beer flights at a brewery. I love drink flights. Bobby says this is so much more fun than their first honeymoon because now they know each other and are comfortable. They became “best friends” on their honeymoon, and now things are so relaxed. Danielle points out to camera that being married at first sight has been such a stabilizing force in her life and she “literally” doesn’t know what it would be like if Bobby wasn’t around tomorrow. (Have I mentioned how infuriating it is when people overuse (and, in most cases, misuse) the word literally? Also “super” as an adjective. Danielle does both and it makes me wanna smack her. UGH!) Bobby has to ruin this fun moment with the “L” word. He tells Danielle he loves her like he loves his mom, dad, and sister, and moreso because she’s his wife. Danielle tells camera that it’s nice to hear and she appreciates Bobby telling her how he feels, and that she’s developing strong feelings for him, too, but that they’ve “literally” only known each other for 7 weeks so she’s just not ready to say the words back to him yet. She thanks him for his honesty. He is clearly disappointed but tells camera he’ll feel loved when she tells him and he’ll wait for her to say it. Then Bobby lightens the mood by asking Danielle if she’d still want him if he only had 4 teeth. She laughs and says it would be a hurdle, but they could probably get past it. That’s how I feel about this episode.
Dave and Amber are at some vineyard now. They admire tiny grapes. They drink white wine and eat cheese. Things are clearly strained. Dave, eyes vacant, stares off into the vineyards. Amber confesses her confusion over Dave’s feelings because she’s still uncomfortable after their earlier mimosa conversation. Dave is all, “That’s interesting because I feel like I show you in a million ways how I’m feeling, but ok…” He tells camera if Amber feels like he doesn’t care about her, then he might as well act like he doesn’t care about her. Yeah, hi, Dave? That’s not the right play, buddy. I get that it might be frustrating to feel like she needs too much reassurance, but stubbornly going the other direction is relationship sabotage. Amber says, “I just want to hear from you that you do want more time with me.” Dave’s response? “I’m not going to pretend just to make you happy.” Oh, Dave…you’re an ass, dude. Amber says basically it comes down to their commitment levels. Dave is pissed. He tells her this is his response and it isn’t going to change, so stop pressuring him or walk away. Then they pour more wine. I need to pour more coffee.
Mia and Tristan are going for dinner. I like Mia’s blue dress. She looks good in blue. At dinner, Tristan notes that he’s “really and truly” feeling calm right now. Mia is drinking a big martini. Looks like a lemon drop. Tristan is drinking what looks like a giant glass of milk. But there’s some brown stuff at the bottom that looks like Kalhua so it’s probably Kahlua and cream or a White Russian or some such. Mia’s surf and turf arrives. That’s a lot of food. I’m getting a stomach ache just looking at it. Mia notes that Tristan tends to like to come down from tension by having silly conversations. T asks if Mia has ever laughed so hard she’s peed her pants. She’s all, “Are you kidding? Peed. Sharted. You name it.” Um, Mia? That was a step too far. Mia wants to know where Tristan would live if money was no object and they could raise kids there. He says Spain, then asks hers. She says it doesn’t matter where you are, it matters who you’re with. He tells her to stop being so corny. Then he tells camera how he’s being reminded that Mia agreed to move to Houston with him and she’s a good person and he needs to get himself together because he doesn’t want to miss out on a good thing with her. Then he asks what one thing she’d bring with her to a deserted island. She says a bible (because the G-O-D letters she has hanging in her kitchen are technically three things.) Tristan would bring a satellite phone. Mia wants to know who it rings to, Santa? He laughs at her and say, “Yeah, hi, Santa? Can you send Rudolph to come get me?”
In stark contrast to that lightheartedness, Amber and Dave sit down to dinner, pointedly avoiding eye contact. Amber tries making conversation and Dave shuts her down. He isn’t feeling particularly introspective at the moment. She tells camera, “Dave is being super cold and super distant and I can see this isn’t going anywhere.” These two need to take a page from Tristan and Mia’s dinner conversation and just talk nonsense for a bit. It would take their mind off their troubles. Amber tells Dave he’s making her so mad. Dave says “whatever.” Dave tells camera that he’s absolutely being childish, stubborn, and a dick, but he’s trying to drive a point home. He says he feels an immense amount of pressure to be in a place that he doesn’t naturally feel, and that though he has deep feelings for Amber, if he’s forced to take them to the next level before actually getting there, then it’s not going to work. (Again, all that to camera.) He tells Amber if they want to walk away from this right now because they both think it’s best, they can. Amber stares at him and says, “How am I supposed to stop that conversation from coming up?” Dave gets a small smirk on his face and answers, “Whatever. I don’t care.” Amber says, “Why?!” And Dave says, “Because I was trying to be a dick!” Amber says, “You know you were!” Suddenly they both have smiles on their faces and they’re laughing. Dave tells camera they hit rock bottom but they realized the whole thing was dumb. His drastic experiment “worked.” Dave confesses to Amber he considered pushing her in the water earlier but decided it might be going too far; Amber says she’d been hoping he fell in. Har har. Amber sips her margarita and makes goo goo eyes at Dave over the rim, and it’s clear to everyone the daily sex streak won’t be broken today. So justlikethat, they’re friends again. Meanwhile, as a viewer, I feel like Dave and Amber held me hostage, forcing me to watch a whole day of them being annoying with each other and then yelled “PSYCH!” at me, and, frankly, I resent it. Eff you both.
Danielle and Bobby are in bed. They don’t want to get up, but it’s time to go home.
Packing up footage. Couples talking about their growth at the end of this weekend. Blah blah blah. Totes dull.
Next week: Decision Day.
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