I can’t believe we’re only on Episode 13. I feel like we’ve been watching this season for 6 years. My friend told me the season isn’t due to end until October 14. I need it to end NOW. I’d rather be watching This is Us. Waaaaa.
Ok. That’s it. Head on straight. Time to watch.
Only 2 weeks remain until Decision Day. Dr. Pepper says it’s time the couples start talking seriously about their futures.
Dave and Amber facetime Amber’s mom and sister. Dave notes that it’s only been 6 weeks, despite it sometimes feeling longer. I feel that, Dave. I sooooooo feel that. Amber says that she and Dave seem to be focusing more on the positives in their relationship. Dave says he’s never viewed this as only an 8-week experiment. He wants to try to keep working.
Mia and Tristan are talking about how stressed out Mia is. She’s got a lot to do with work and moving and so forth. Tristan is upset because Mia and he are going back and forth about health insurance. Tristan explains that he canceled his insurance so he could go on Mia’s but is annoyed Mia didn’t add him yet. Mia explains she didn’t realize he canceled his already and is concerned they never had a full conversation about that prior to him doing it. Tristan thinks it’s a common sense issue and Mia should have realized. I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I’m with Mia on this one.
Bobby is having dinner with his friend since Danielle is out of town on a business trip. His friend tells Bobby to expect lows to come, even though they’re still in the honeymoon phase now. Bobby says he’s anticipating it coming down at some point (and Danielle has said similar) but I don’t think either of them really believe it.
Mia tells Tristan she’s still hurt that he canceled his insurance without talking to her first. She thinks they should have had a conversation about costs and so forth before he took action. Tristan tries turning it around on her, saying she’s been so stressed, he thought he’d take care of it himself. Mia’s eyes look super bloodshot. Mia also tells him that he’s been talking over her and not letting her voice her opinion, that he wants to have the upper hand. This is the most I’ve ever seen her say. I’m sort of impressed. Tristan, though, is not. He rolls his eyes like my 10 year old. Mia points out that she feels like she’s making a lot of sacrifices to move to Houston and here he is making decisions without her. Is this how it’s going to be, she wants to know? Tristan tells her, fine, if you don’t want to come, don’t come. He’s doesn’t want to be with someone who doesn’t want to be with him. He mutters, “I’m done…” and walks toward the door. (This is not the first time he’s said and done this. But it’s the first time I think he’s in the wrong for it.)
Amber and Dave are on the rooftop planting a miniature garden. He surprised Amber with flowers and planters and gloves. She’s excited at the prospect of putting down roots. They start talking about traditions and Christmas. Matching pajamas. Stuffed toys. They are excited for the future. Dave asks about Thanksgiving. He wants to do Friendsgiving. Amber says ok. She doesn’t usually go home for Easter so Dave suggests going to his family’s place for that. Amber says ok. They like having things to look forward to. (That might have been the most productive conversation they’ve ever had.)
Bobby is taking care of the dogs. He misses Danielle. She has left him a note. It says how much she appreciates him and finds him perfect, but it doesn’t say she loves him. He’s satisfied with that. He finds it “awesome.” Danielle Facetimes him. They have a robotic conversation. They each miss each other a “10.” The dog is going to take Danielle’s spot in bed tonight. I want to make a joke about that fact, but I don’t have the energy to bother.
Mia reports that she and Tristan had a “heated” discussion about the insurance and that Tristan gave her an ultimatum to come to Houston with him or else get out. (I can’t quite tell if the discussion escalated from what we saw on camera or if what we saw is all there was to it, but Tristan has just reached his breaking point.) Tristan has packed Mia’s belongings and deposited them in the hallway and said she can no longer live there. Mia is standing in the hallway among her things, presumably as confused as we all are in this moment.
Tristan says if Mia is having second thoughts about moving to Houston, maybe she was never fully committed. I think that’s unfair of him (and I resent being forced to side with Mia so many times in one hour!) He is the one who dropped the Houston bomb on her and he shouldn’t expect her to have no reservations about uprooting her existence simply because that’s what he wants to do. I understand she put him through the ringer with the arrest and the Tinder snafu, but he claimed to be over them. I think he’s just trying to punish her as much as he can in an effort to even the score a bit. Which makes him a jerk because he could have left any number of times now.
Tristan points out that he didn’t say the marriage is over. He just told her she can’t stay at his house so he’s sent her back to her own condo. I’m not sure Mia realizes the distinction there. That theory is bolstered when she says, “This changes everything” as she drives away.
Mia skypes with Dr. Jessica. Dr. Jessica expresses sympathy, then warns Mia that she and Tristan, who bonded over a crisis, may feel they need to create a series of mini-crises to feel connected to one another moving forward, and that’s something they should guard against doing.
Danielle gets home from her trip. She makes out with the dogs and Bobby stands to the side and waits his turn. Danielle notices Bobby got a haircut and remarks (to camera—not to Bobby) that she knew she’d miss the dogs, but is surprised how much she missed Bobby. Then she pets the dogs some more. Because of course she does.
Amber and Dave are sitting down to dinner. Dave seems to have made an elaborate looking salad and, possibly, some kind of fish taco. Amber is all, “Oh my gosh! What did you do??” because, of course, Amber can’t cook at all so any edible meal is very impressive. Dave responds, “I hooked us up.” Yes, bravo, Dave. Amber tells camera it’s nice to be in this great place right now. Which, of course, means rocky times are imminent. Dave puts too much food in his mouth and asks Amber a question and chews throughout the discussion. At a couple points it looks like he’s got food stuffed in his cheeks that he’s holding in there for another time. It’s distracting. Amber says she feels more secure in their relationship now than before. Finally. (Let’s put it to the test. Cue the brunette!)
Danielle and Bobby are talking about their future. Danielle sets short and long term goals at the beginning of each calendar year. Now she’d like to discuss goals with Bobby. They want to have a kid by age 30. Bobby doesn’t want to retire until he’s 75. Danielle wants it to be near a lake. Watching paint dry would be more interesting than watching these two awkward robots discussing their dull future.
Amber and Dave are writing their goals on a white board. They take turns. It’s weird to watch. He writes one in green. She writes one in pink. His turn. Her turn. Dumb goal after dumb goal. Amber wants to retire at age 55, spend her days doing fun things like sitting by the pool with her other friends her age, being all cool. Will she have grandkids by then? Wait. Will her kids be in college? How old would they even be? Dave stands by smirking and then hits her with a totally Dave-esque comment of, “Well it’s pretty simple math!” Amber does the simple math and realizes she’ll have a 15 year old at that time. How did this happen, she wants to know? She only just realized how old she is.
I’d like to sit here and make fun of her for that, but I’ve had similar realizations in my own life (especially lately), wherein I don’t realize how old I am and what it means for the future or how old I’ll be on X date or how old I am in relation to other people, etc. So in this instance, all I can do is say, Amber, I feel ya, girl.
Dave clearly thinks Amber is absurd. He looks like he’s containing a laugh. He comments to camera about enjoying her “quirks.” That’s good to see.
Mia and Tristan don’t have a goals discussion since it’s understood that their goal is to make it through this 6 week experiment…
Instead, Rev Cal talks to Tristan. Tristan shares his version of events. Cal tells Tristan the types of comments Mia made—“I feel like I don’t have a voice” or “You make all the decisions for me”—are types that need sensitivity. He acknowledges that Tristan has been solid in his understanding to date with this relationship, but still he must be careful not to use the relationship as leverage or a bargaining tool. He also wants to know about Tristan and Mia and the feelings they expressed before—were they wrong then or are they wrong now? Tristan isn’t sure it’s salvageable. Dude, I tried telling him that week 2!
Amber and Dave and Danielle and Bobby are doing a Field Day. Mia and Tristan are absent. As usual. Amber doesn’t know what Field Day is, but she is excited to compete with her hubs.
They begin with an egg walk. Amber and Dave win. Next up is a tug of love. Amber and Dave win again. Danielle thinks it’s unfair because Dave is big and Amber works out a lot. Get over it. Dave gloats to camera that “maybe the perfect 10 isn’t so perfect.” The next activity is a feeler challenge wherein the wives walk blindfolded to chairs occupied by Bobby, Dave, and the ref. The ladies feel the heads of the men and are supposed to pick out their own husband. Amber touches Bobby and the ref (doesn’t even make it over to Dave) and incorrectly identifies Bobby as her husband. Dave is disappointed. They have sex every day, he notes. Maybe they need to institute more touching and blindfolds. On Danielle’s turn, she also touches Bobby and the ref (again skipping Dave) and chooses the ref as her husband. Dude, the referee has a PONYTAIL. She didn’t even try! Her program must be broken! Dave and Amber win the day and a trophy. Danielle says she’d rather lose at Field Day and win at marriage. Spoken like a true Field Day loser.
I’m confused why this episode is so long today. I need it to be over and it looks like there’s 20 more minutes! Why, god, whyyyyyy?????
The couples are eating lunch and Danielle is telling everyone about Mia and Tristan. Everyone agrees that Tristan moving Mia’s stuff out of the apartment was a low (and sort of fatal) blow. How can he expect Mia to move with him or carry on a relationship together if at any point in time he’d just kick her out?
Now Rev Cal is moderating a discussion between Mia and Tristan. Mia expresses that she’s hurt and confused at how things escalated three days prior, and she wonders if he’d kick her out here in Dallas, would he do the same in Houston? Tristan tells camera that Mia is under the impression that he kicked her out, but he didn’t. He says she gave up on them. (Sounds like some bullshit to me!) He says some other things, too, but it means nothing with these two. They’re headed for divorce. After some blathering about how he feels like a bad husband, Tristan gets up and walks out after, again, saying he’s done. After the commercial break, Cal goes off and gets him. Cal wants to know if Tristan still cares about and loves Mia. He says yes. Mia says she still cares about him. Cal makes Tristan tell Mia how he feels. He’s competitive and wants to be the World’s Best Husband. He has a passion for Mia. It’s deep and scary and he wants to be better. But sometimes he gets overwhelmed and needs to step out. Mia says she loves him and they need to listen with open hearts and not repeat past mistakes. They kiss and make up. Again. Till next time. Still, Rev Cal gets a raise.
Amber and Dave toast to their victory. They find a place for their dumb trophy which they’re planning to get engraved. They send a pic of it to Bobby and Danielle. Dave wants to send it with #suckit. Amber suggests #MAFSfielddaychamps instead. They go with the tact.
Mia and her things roll back in the apartment. She and Tristan make awkward conversation in bed. Mia hopes this is the worst fight they ever have so it’s behind them. (Mia: sorry, no.)
Hmm. Seems like it’s about time to end the show with Bobby and Danielle in bed, not saying I love you back.
But no! They don’t go there this week. That’s a first. I wonder if they were sore over their pathetic Field Day loss and refused to be taped. Lol.
Next week: mini-moons. And another breakup for Mia and Tristan.