First, for those of you who logged on yesterday hoping to kill some time at work, I apologize for the delayed synopsis. Tuesday night was a bit hectic (although, tbh, Wednesday is shaping up to be even worse in that regard) and I didn’t have the energy to watch the show.
The couples have been married 5 weeks.
Amber and Dave go to their gym together for the first time. If you recall, they are members at the same gym, but never saw each other prior to their marriage. When they arrive, Dave goes off to lift weights and Amber goes into a giant fishbowl wherein she does some exercise class called “Dance Jams.” She’s clearly an expert at this class. She tells camera she wants to be on point for her husband. Dave looks in on occasion and thinks she looks good. After class, Dave comes in and Amber introduces him to two of her gym pals. Amber gives the side eye as her brunette friend talks to Dave. The viewing audience gives a collective groan as we all know where this is headed. That’s right. Amber is insecure. Because this girl is Dave’s “type.” At least Amber acknowledges to camera that it’s stupid and she needs to get over it.
Bobby and Danielle head out to Bobby’s family’s house to celebrate his mom’s birthday. While there, his family wants to know how things are going. Anything about either of you bother the other? Nope, nothin’, they report. Bobby’s mom is all, “Really? Nothing? Because usually when people move in together they have different habits—one of them is messier or something—and it can sometimes cause friction. A lot of times it’s the small stuff that becomes the large stuff.” Bobby says something about them resolving at the onset “not to sweat the small stuff.” His mom isn’t buying it. She’s concerned something will come up at some point—as it inevitably does—and wonders how they’ll deal.
Tristan (again wrapped in a blanket—seriously, why the hell don’t they adjust the AC if it’s that cold in there?) and Mia are, as usual, sitting on the couch doing nothing. They’re looking forward to their upcoming meeting with Dr. Jessica, excited that this time they aren’t “in crisis.” Tristan says he and Mia are in a really good place right now. Enter Dr. Jessica with a plan to show Tristan and Mia how wrong they are. She shows them video footage of a recent conflict so they can see how they’re communicating. This is a recipe for disaster. Within the footage, Tristan is telling Mia he doesn’t trust her and that he’s “done.” Mia is wearing a tee shirt that says “Lord, have your way.” During the argument, Mia stands there dumbly. Mia confesses to Dr. Jessica that, historically, she checks out when she is scolded. She explains that her parents were “traditional” and her dad would give a concentrated “death stare” with eye contact, so now she’s intimidated by eye contact. And her mom would raise her voice in anger, so Mia learned to shut down to protect herself. As she’s explaining this to Dr. Jessica, Tristan becomes upset. He tells camera he didn’t know about Mia’s past and he feels badly that he raised his voice to her, especially as it is a stressor for her. Tristan then has to excuse himself from the room. Presumably because he feels guilty? Not sure.
Dr. Jessica counsels Mia in his absence that it’s good she told Tristan because it can help them grow closer. Tristan returns and Dr. Jessica tells them how to handle future situations if one of them needs a break. Something about putting a hand on a heart and promising to come back. Blah blah. Who even cares with these two idiots?
Dr. Jessica moves along to Bobby and Danielle. Bobby’s coral shirt looks flesh-colored and it’s distracting. Dr. Jessica comes armed with video footage of their communication. It’s a scene of Bobby saying he loves Danielle and her responding, “mmm hmm.” Dr. Jessica tells Danielle she needs to work on being more verbally expressive and using her words to tell Bobby how she feels. Danielle, though, is a robot, so it will be a challenge. Still, she’s up for it because she loves to do whatever the experts say to do. Bobby looks excited that Danielle has been told to write him a love note and then read it to him.
Now Dr. Jessica is with Amber and Dave. Dave shares there’s been more “ups and downs.” Then he reports that after he and Amber talked with the brunette at the gym, Amber was upset about it. She is quick to interject that she wasn’t upset. Dave says, “Yes, you were,” and then Amber admits, “Well it’s because she’s more your type than I am.” Dr. Jessica deadpans, “Because of a hair color…” and Amber says, “It’s not like I’m overly sensitive about it. I’m just a little sensitive about it.” Um, Amber? It’s all you effing talk about. It’s tiresome. It’s lame. It’s going to kill your marriage. Dr. Jessica, knowing this discussion is a waste of time, takes out her video footage. The footage is, naturally, of the day they were out to dinner and had the argument about Amber dyeing her hair blond (and how it was making her hair fall out.) Oh my god, how did they know?????? Oh right, because, as I said, it’s all Amber effing talks about! Amber realizes watching it back that she did put words in Dave’s mouth. Dave realizes that he shut down a bit in his frustration.
Mia and Tristan are going to bed early. It’s been an emotional day. All they want to do is curl up and talk. That’s funny. All I want to do is curl up and NOT LISTEN TO THEM TALK. They talk but I’m tuning out. Tristan says something Mia likes because she says, “awwwww.” I could rewind it to see what it was, but I simply don’t care enough to bother. Especially because I know these two are not going to stay married.
Danielle is having a girls night out with Bobby’s mom and sister. Bobby’s sister wants to know if Danielle wants kids. She does. Then Sissy wants to know if Danielle would continue to work or would she stay at home with the kids. I’m sorry, what? How about none of your damned business? Robot Danielle shows a crack. She’s nervous about answering this question honestly because she doesn’t want to offend them. See, Danielle does want to keep her career, but both Bobby’s mom and sister were/are stay-at-home moms. (The show reminds us with video footage from the honeymoon bike ride wherein Bobby talks of his traditional upbringing and wants to know if Danielle would be open to that, and she told him she values her career.) Danielle does, I think, an admirable job answering the bold-as-shit question and says she’s sure things are different or can change when one has an actual baby (as opposed to a hypothetical one), but she’s always envisioned going back to work, and, even if she took some time off to stay home with her baby, she would eventually return to the workplace. It’s clear Bobby’s kinfolk don’t like that answer, even though they joke that it’s of course up to Danielle to choose what’s right for her. But the reassurance falls flat when accompanied by Bobby’s mom pointing out that she’s so happy with how her kids turned out but she wonders, had she not been there to do that important work, would they have turned out so well? She just doesn’t know. And then Bobby’s sister adds that, for her, it was a question of who did she want doing the bulk of “rearing” her child—someone else or herself? Right, well, I guess we all know where they stand on that matter.
Dave and Amber are still struggling with their communication so the experts have set them up for failure with an exercise wherein Dave and Amber are on a ropes course 15 feet in the air and Dave is blindfolded. He needs to rely on Amber to guide him through the course that, frankly, would be challenging with two working eyes. Dave gets frustrated and is clearly uncomfortable not seeing, but he manages to make it across. Dave realizes that he doesn’t always listen to Amber, but he was hanging on every word while in the air. Nice, Dave. Amber feels like this brought them closer together. You know, until Dave walks by another brunette.
Danielle is packing for a work trip to Houston. Danielle asks how much Bobby will miss her. Bobby says he will miss her a 10 because he loves their time together. Danielle seems uncomfortable because she knows she’s supposed to say something back. After an awkward pause, she remarks how she’ll miss the dog. Right. That’s not what Bobby had in mind, I bet. Then she excuses herself to the kitchen to write a note to Bobby so she can give him some indication of her feelings for him. She is verydiligent at doing her homework assignments.
Back to Dave and Amber. They are building a dresser. Dave assigns Amber “Part 5.” She looks dubious. Not surprisingly, they have difficulty. It’s been 2 hours and they’re only a quarter through. Paisley the cat lounges mockingly nearby. Dave has had enough. He brings in shots and says he “has a guy” who can do the dresser. So instead of bonding over building the dresser, they bond over NOT building it. Hey, whatever works.
Mia and Tristan are going out to dinner. He wants to check in with her about the move—is it moving too fast? Is she ready? She says she is and views moving as an adventure. She tells camera she’s happy to have a husband who checks in with her about that sort of thing. This is ending in disaster, yo, and we all know it. Speaking of ending, the ep is over.
Next time: With only 2 weeks remaining until decision day, things are heating up. (Of course.) Bobby and Danielle discuss their timeline for having kids. Dave and Amber discuss retirement plans (spoiler alert: they’re not on the same page with their vision). Mia and Tristan have a big fight about the move and Tristan throws her out.
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Thanks to all for your thoughts.