The May issue of "Philadelphia Magazine" has a feature article about me.
I liked it and found it to be a pretty accurate depiction of what's been happening--certainly a more complete picture than other media sources have reported in the past, which I appreciate.
I was particularly interested to read the parts of the article dealing with what was coming out of my school, both from the principal and from some unnamed colleague. (As it were, I've been pretty completely cut off from school goings-on since February 9th. Not even my school "friends" feel comfortable talking to me in large part. The one or two who will chat try to keep things as non-work-oriented as humanly possible. I can't help but wonder if they were told not to talk to me. What is the school going to do if people talk to me? Fire the person for communicating with me? Think that by talking to me in any capacity means that the other person agrees with my every thought and action? Sorry, but that's absurd. But again, it makes me wonder what was said behind closed doors about this whole affair... but I digress.)
In reading the article, I found it particularly ridiculous to hear the principal describe the school as "almost utopian." Haha! Sorry, but NO place is perfect or ideal. What followed that statement was information that last year the school had a 99% graduation rate and that 94% of those kids were college bound. While I am in no way trying to discount these statistics or take away from the accomplishment of anyone involved, these facts alone do not perfection make.
Graduating and going to college--while good and admirable--cannot be counted as the mark of high esteem and success they once were. Most students (particularly those who can afford to pay for it), go to some form of college these days; they almost have to go in order to be marketable for a job. And check the stats--colleges are having to do more and more remedial work with incoming freshman students than ever before. Just because students are graduating and going off to college doesn't mean they are college-ready. Nor does it mean they will be a success; further, there are plenty of life paths that do not include college that will result in successful individuals. Thus, citing those stats does not mean perfection is present.
Nor does a degree--from high school or college--mean that someone is a good person. Their degree, in fact, may be the only positive thing he or she has going. (Consider, for instance, some of the nasty, disgusting comments (also quoted in the article) that were made by some of the students at this "almost utopian" place, or any of the stories of frustration I or any of my silent colleagues have encountered.) Yeah, it's so nearly perfect I could cry.
But in pointing out this bit of absurd diction on the part of the principal, I will note that as much as the school is FAR from a utopia, it is also hardly dystopic. It's a normal school with some normal problems, which, in itself, is a problem (see previous posts regarding the state of education today). But to try to act like the situation is otherwise is just sad and lame.
Also sad and lame was the claim that he "couldn't imagine an educator would feel this way--and then post it with such vitriol." What utter bollocks! Maybe he can't believe I posted it, but he can certainly imagine an educator feeling this way. First off, he was a teacher before he was an administrator; he knows what goes on. Second, he has also made comments behind closed doors as an administrator that have been critical about both students and their parents, as well as other staff. So the faux-surprise and holier-than-thou ruse that someone having a bad day could feel negatively about something pertaining to her job and then make negative comments about it to her friends was just, well, laughable to read.
I was also interested to see some comments from an unnamed colleague who remarked that it's a shame that, "when we want to scapegoat why schools aren't what they should be, we pick on people who have the least responsibility."
I think this mentality is part of the problem with education. Students DO have some responsibility in why schools aren't what they should be today. While they aren't solely responsible, they should shoulder a good deal of the blame. Yes, there are definitely some idiots making the rules and setting up the system to fail. But if ALL students made it their business to care a bit more and take their job as students more seriously, the system would also function better because there would be a demand that it do so; the people at the top would need to make a better go of it. But since so many people who should care don't (i.e. parents, students), it makes it easier for the people in charge to muck it up.
It seems that students are more concerned about the perception of themselves than about their actual behaviors and actions. Those students who were personally offended by my few frustrated postings about students (MANY of whom, I found it interesting and sadly amusing to note, had mis-identified themselves as the specific "target" of comments I'd made in a general sense, which is rather telling in and of itself) wonder if this is how teachers view them. Part of the animosity I've encountered has been because students allegedly now have a complex about the fact that others are thinking things about them, and how they are viewed. (What a concept!)
But to that I ask: why is that a problem? Shouldn't we ALL be concerned about how others view us and keep that in mind as we make decisions about our actions? I think it's a good thing that they wonder. They should wonder. Maybe it will help some of them not to spend class time twisting paperclips into the shape of people having sex or feel that it's appropriate to come up to a teacher after she's called home and brag about how they weren't punished at home for their behavior. Maybe then school could actually focus on what matters: learning.
Maybe this situation will be a learning experience for everyone involved.
Showing posts with label scandal. Show all posts
Showing posts with label scandal. Show all posts
Saturday, April 30, 2011
Thursday, February 17, 2011
Bloggate - Part 2: A Surreal Week
I think it is safe to say that this has been the most shocking, unexpected week of my life. To say it's all been surreal would be an understatement.
Just over a week ago I was creating study guides for Oedipus at Colonus, packing lunches for school, and working in the classroom each day. This week, though, I've been the guest on television programs I usually WATCH on television, have given interviews to news agencies that I usually read or listen to, and have received hundreds upon hundreds of emails from people I've never met before, many of whom have been expressing support and encouragement. (Thanks for that, by the way!)
This situation has in all ways changed my life. I'm very routine-oriented. Change, as a rule, scares the beejesus out of me (I used to get mad at my parents if they decided to move the Christmas tree from centered in front of the window to the corner of the room.) So for this degree of change to come at me from all sides--so quickly and unexpectedly--it's been quite an adjustment. And it hasn't just affected me; my family has been going through it, too. Our appetites, health, ability to sleep, and stress levels have all been affected. On the second day, we were so concerned that I made an appointment with my OB to make sure my baby is ok in there; thankfully, she is.
Some negative blog posts have accused me of loving the media attention. Um, sorry to disappoint, but this is not the stuff that dreams are made of (at least, not my dreams; if it was, then I would have gone into news instead of teaching). I was actually on Regis and Kelly when I was 20--I had an ambush makeover. While it was still nerve wracking being on camera, it was exciting and fun and I got a really cute outfit and hairdo out of the deal. This news stuff, though, is very stressful, and is quite a process. (Interesting fact: it takes longer to apply the makeup then it does to do an interview.)
I've been to New York City 3 times in 3 days; today I went to Philadelphia for some satellite stuff. I've been on Justice with Judge Jeanine, Fox and Friends, CBS 3, 6 ABC, NBC 10, Good Morning America, CNN, WFMZ 69. I've talked on radio programs in Toronto, San Francisco, London (the BBC), and Philadelphia 1210. I've sat with reporters from the Intelligencer, the Inquirer, the NY Post, Time magazine, Reuters, and the Associated Press.
I went from being completely unknown to being a cartoon and an allusion; I've even been compared to Sue Sylvester of Glee (as a fan of Glee, I was amused by this comparison and was also heartened to see that she was rated as having the meaner insults by the online polls.)
I've been called "mean" and "unprofessional," but have also been called an "education icon" and a "hero." I even garnered a 97% approval rating on an MSNBC poll--wowsa!
These are not the sorts of things that happen to me on a regular basis. To put it in perspective, a normal day for me involves work, having dinner with my family, and watching General Hospital on my DVR each night. (As it were, I'm now 4 episodes behind as I haven't been able to watch this week since I've been so busy trying to put this blogging scandal into some context and start important conversations about our education system. These matters are obviously more important, but I'd be remiss if I didn't point out that this is the week that things with the Balkan were supposed to come to a head and Sonny and Brenda are supposed to be getting married, so it's an important week of the show, too!) So, for me, these past 7 days have been the farthest thing from normal.
What is remarkable, though, is that somewhere along the past few days, the focus has shifted a bit from the blog itself and onto the education debate. While I certainly never--not in a million years--thought I'd be so near the center of this conversation, I'm glad it's a conversation that's happening.
There is a lot that people don't realize about the state of education and the work of teachers.
First off, teachers are highly trained professionals, but are not always regarded as such. Ever hear that old (terrible!) gem, "Those who can, do. Those who can't, teach" ? Yeah? Well, that's highly insulting and, if you think about it, completely absurd. To teach a concept, one needs to be an expert on it so one can break it into parts to make it more understandable and offer the support that's needed to help others grasp it, too. So really, those who CAN, teach! This negative attitude toward teachers is part of the base issue.
People--parents, students, administration, the general public, government officials--need to trust in their highly trained professional teachers. PA public school teachers (and I know this varies by state and, in some cases, by district if there's some emergency need of teachers) generally have the following training:
First, they need a bachelor's degree and must complete (and pay to complete, I might add) an unpaid internship for 4-6 months (the student teaching experience which is on-the-job training in the way of an apprenticeship). Then they earn their Level 1 Temporary certification. Then, they have 6 years to earn their Level 2 Permanent certification, which one achieves after actively working for that time, earning a Master's degree, and having 6 satisfactory observations within one's school. In addition, every 5 years, teachers need to complete additional training (Act 48) to stay current with their certification. That means that teachers are continually trained and educated throughout their time teaching, in an effort to keep them up to date with the latest educational research models and other relevant (and sometimes even irrelevant!) training.
And yet, with all of that specialized training, people second-guess and blame teachers for so many of the problems that exist in education today. Do we go to our doctors and lawyers and tell them how to do their jobs, and second-guess everything they do? Do we stand alongside chefs at restaurants and tell them we think the boulliabaisse looks like it needs some more saffron? No. We trust them to do what they've been trained to do. Of course it's ok to ask questions along the way so we can know why something is happening or understand the process--but at the end of the day, some trust needs to come into play, too. Let's let teachers do their jobs.
Second, there's often a misconception about the work that teachers do on the day-to-day. Some people think that teachers make up one lesson and teach it that way for 25 years. Teaching, though, is not a one-and-done situation. Not only do teachers have to create lessons, they need to modify them to meet the needs of different students with different abilities, aptitudes, learning styles, and the like. In my experience, I've had 3 sections of the same class. Even if I'm teaching the same material, the lesson always changes for each class. Sometimes it's drastic changes--parts are cut, emphasized more, approached differently, for instance--and sometimes it's subtle changes--more examples are provided, more time is allowed to complete a task, the product expectations are different--but there's always some change.
I think that part of the angst toward teachers stems from the fact that we've all had a bad teacher along the way. Yes, of course they exist. But people who are inept in their fields exist in all fields. One or two bad eggs along the way doesn't mean the whole lot of teachers are ineffectual. I also think part of the resentment comes from the summers-off end of things. Trust me when I say this: A. Teachers more than do the work of 12 months in the 10 official months they work, and B. Most teachers work through the summers preparing for the next school year (or even have second jobs in the summer to supplement their incomes.) With many jobs, when you punch out, you go home and the job is done until the next day at punch-in time. The job can be left at the job site. But with teaching, the job is almost never done. Many teachers bring home stacks of work each night and on weekends and over breaks and on vacations, and stay at work long after the sun has gone down. This work is unseen and unknown and, often, not even considered to exist. It becomes even more galling to be accused of being in a "coddled" profession when you know how hard you work but others think you're some lazy slacker. Most teachers aren't seeking an award or applause for this extra work, but would happily settle for some simple respect that they are professionals.
This considered lack of respect for teachers as professionals translates into power being given to students and their parents, and a lack of teacher support from those same people and administration.
I'll cover that topic in my next post.
Until then...
Just over a week ago I was creating study guides for Oedipus at Colonus, packing lunches for school, and working in the classroom each day. This week, though, I've been the guest on television programs I usually WATCH on television, have given interviews to news agencies that I usually read or listen to, and have received hundreds upon hundreds of emails from people I've never met before, many of whom have been expressing support and encouragement. (Thanks for that, by the way!)
This situation has in all ways changed my life. I'm very routine-oriented. Change, as a rule, scares the beejesus out of me (I used to get mad at my parents if they decided to move the Christmas tree from centered in front of the window to the corner of the room.) So for this degree of change to come at me from all sides--so quickly and unexpectedly--it's been quite an adjustment. And it hasn't just affected me; my family has been going through it, too. Our appetites, health, ability to sleep, and stress levels have all been affected. On the second day, we were so concerned that I made an appointment with my OB to make sure my baby is ok in there; thankfully, she is.
Some negative blog posts have accused me of loving the media attention. Um, sorry to disappoint, but this is not the stuff that dreams are made of (at least, not my dreams; if it was, then I would have gone into news instead of teaching). I was actually on Regis and Kelly when I was 20--I had an ambush makeover. While it was still nerve wracking being on camera, it was exciting and fun and I got a really cute outfit and hairdo out of the deal. This news stuff, though, is very stressful, and is quite a process. (Interesting fact: it takes longer to apply the makeup then it does to do an interview.)
I've been to New York City 3 times in 3 days; today I went to Philadelphia for some satellite stuff. I've been on Justice with Judge Jeanine, Fox and Friends, CBS 3, 6 ABC, NBC 10, Good Morning America, CNN, WFMZ 69. I've talked on radio programs in Toronto, San Francisco, London (the BBC), and Philadelphia 1210. I've sat with reporters from the Intelligencer, the Inquirer, the NY Post, Time magazine, Reuters, and the Associated Press.
I went from being completely unknown to being a cartoon and an allusion; I've even been compared to Sue Sylvester of Glee (as a fan of Glee, I was amused by this comparison and was also heartened to see that she was rated as having the meaner insults by the online polls.)
I've been called "mean" and "unprofessional," but have also been called an "education icon" and a "hero." I even garnered a 97% approval rating on an MSNBC poll--wowsa!
These are not the sorts of things that happen to me on a regular basis. To put it in perspective, a normal day for me involves work, having dinner with my family, and watching General Hospital on my DVR each night. (As it were, I'm now 4 episodes behind as I haven't been able to watch this week since I've been so busy trying to put this blogging scandal into some context and start important conversations about our education system. These matters are obviously more important, but I'd be remiss if I didn't point out that this is the week that things with the Balkan were supposed to come to a head and Sonny and Brenda are supposed to be getting married, so it's an important week of the show, too!) So, for me, these past 7 days have been the farthest thing from normal.
What is remarkable, though, is that somewhere along the past few days, the focus has shifted a bit from the blog itself and onto the education debate. While I certainly never--not in a million years--thought I'd be so near the center of this conversation, I'm glad it's a conversation that's happening.
There is a lot that people don't realize about the state of education and the work of teachers.
First off, teachers are highly trained professionals, but are not always regarded as such. Ever hear that old (terrible!) gem, "Those who can, do. Those who can't, teach" ? Yeah? Well, that's highly insulting and, if you think about it, completely absurd. To teach a concept, one needs to be an expert on it so one can break it into parts to make it more understandable and offer the support that's needed to help others grasp it, too. So really, those who CAN, teach! This negative attitude toward teachers is part of the base issue.
People--parents, students, administration, the general public, government officials--need to trust in their highly trained professional teachers. PA public school teachers (and I know this varies by state and, in some cases, by district if there's some emergency need of teachers) generally have the following training:
First, they need a bachelor's degree and must complete (and pay to complete, I might add) an unpaid internship for 4-6 months (the student teaching experience which is on-the-job training in the way of an apprenticeship). Then they earn their Level 1 Temporary certification. Then, they have 6 years to earn their Level 2 Permanent certification, which one achieves after actively working for that time, earning a Master's degree, and having 6 satisfactory observations within one's school. In addition, every 5 years, teachers need to complete additional training (Act 48) to stay current with their certification. That means that teachers are continually trained and educated throughout their time teaching, in an effort to keep them up to date with the latest educational research models and other relevant (and sometimes even irrelevant!) training.
And yet, with all of that specialized training, people second-guess and blame teachers for so many of the problems that exist in education today. Do we go to our doctors and lawyers and tell them how to do their jobs, and second-guess everything they do? Do we stand alongside chefs at restaurants and tell them we think the boulliabaisse looks like it needs some more saffron? No. We trust them to do what they've been trained to do. Of course it's ok to ask questions along the way so we can know why something is happening or understand the process--but at the end of the day, some trust needs to come into play, too. Let's let teachers do their jobs.
Second, there's often a misconception about the work that teachers do on the day-to-day. Some people think that teachers make up one lesson and teach it that way for 25 years. Teaching, though, is not a one-and-done situation. Not only do teachers have to create lessons, they need to modify them to meet the needs of different students with different abilities, aptitudes, learning styles, and the like. In my experience, I've had 3 sections of the same class. Even if I'm teaching the same material, the lesson always changes for each class. Sometimes it's drastic changes--parts are cut, emphasized more, approached differently, for instance--and sometimes it's subtle changes--more examples are provided, more time is allowed to complete a task, the product expectations are different--but there's always some change.
I think that part of the angst toward teachers stems from the fact that we've all had a bad teacher along the way. Yes, of course they exist. But people who are inept in their fields exist in all fields. One or two bad eggs along the way doesn't mean the whole lot of teachers are ineffectual. I also think part of the resentment comes from the summers-off end of things. Trust me when I say this: A. Teachers more than do the work of 12 months in the 10 official months they work, and B. Most teachers work through the summers preparing for the next school year (or even have second jobs in the summer to supplement their incomes.) With many jobs, when you punch out, you go home and the job is done until the next day at punch-in time. The job can be left at the job site. But with teaching, the job is almost never done. Many teachers bring home stacks of work each night and on weekends and over breaks and on vacations, and stay at work long after the sun has gone down. This work is unseen and unknown and, often, not even considered to exist. It becomes even more galling to be accused of being in a "coddled" profession when you know how hard you work but others think you're some lazy slacker. Most teachers aren't seeking an award or applause for this extra work, but would happily settle for some simple respect that they are professionals.
This considered lack of respect for teachers as professionals translates into power being given to students and their parents, and a lack of teacher support from those same people and administration.
I'll cover that topic in my next post.
Until then...
Saturday, February 12, 2011
Bloggate- Day 1: The Scandal Begins
When I woke up Wednesday morning and went to work, I certainly couldn't have foreseen what my day--and, in turn, the rest of my life--would be like from that point.
My alarm rang as normal and I hit snooze as normal. I dressed; ate breakfast (the most important meal of the day!); chatted with a friend during my drive to work; performed my requisite morning duty as lunch-room monitor whereby I'm supposed to "check for sticky fingers"--the thieving kind, not the danish-eating kind--in the food purchase area and make sure kids clean up after themselves in the dining area; and headed up to the planning center to start the day. All as normal.
But then a colleague pulled me aside to tell me that students had somehow found my blog and were all abuzz and up in arms about how I'd cursed and said negative things about students in it. The colleague wanted me to know in case it became a bigger deal.
I didn't realize, however, that it already WAS a big deal.
Within the hour, I was in a meeting with the principal who had a pile of my blogs printed out and sitting before him. Within the next 15 minutes, I was gathering my bags from my office and being escorted from the building.
I realize that maybe this escort out is standard protocol when someone is suspended from her duties, but I had to bite my tongue to keep myself from remarking to the stone-faced principal, "Um, I assure you, you don't need to walk me to the door. My 8.5 month pregnant self is hardly going to freak out on my waddle out of here!" At one point, it was a Natalie sandwich--the principal, giant melon me, followed by the school security guard. Yes, I was quite the threatening figure there. I'm sure it was supposed to be a walk of shame, but I couldn't help but feel it was over-the-top ridiculous under the circumstances. Were they concerned I would cause a scene as I left? Steal some school materials? Graffiti the walls with a parting message? At worst, I may have stopped to use the bathroom--at this point, I can pretty much always pee.
But that was that. I walked out into the morning light and drove back to my house around 9am, still unaware of quite the degree to which this blog had gotten out there.
Around 2 pm, the first reporter showed up at my house. That is when I started to feel violated. We had to pull our drapes so they couldn't peer into the house. My 3-year-old daughter was confused as to the hullabaloo surrounding her. I told her people wanted to take my picture but I didn't want them to. (I didn't know until a couple of hours later that they already had my picture from the blog cache.) I was a big story on the news that night--after the butt injection situation and among some Lindsay felony-theft news. (A shout-out to Lindsay here for trying to keep me out of the limelight, but felony theft ain't what it used to be, particularly when there are more juicy local scandals around town.) Around dinnertime, the second reporter showed up. The calls trickled in most of the day. It was bizarre that I was getting this much attention over something so mundane.
See, what I'd done was written a casual blog. I talked about everything--such exciting topics as our trip to Sesame Place, my favorite (and least favorite) restaurants, my work experiences, the diaper genie. I had 9 followers--2 of whom were my husband and myself, the other 7 were friends. When I started it, my goal was to write 1-3 times a week, though I didn't usually have time to do it that much. I ended up writing 84 blogs between 8/9/09 and 11/25/10. (I remember that, at one point, my track of blogging was about equal with my gym-going, but my gym-going eventually surpassed my blog track. I went there religiously at least 3 times a week until my morning sickness started...) I slowed down at the end, writing only about 10 blogs between June and November. I was too busy with being pregnant, teaching a new curriculum, and being harassed at school to write anything between November and February.
When I wrote, I kept things as anonymous as possible; I know there are crazies out there and I didn't want anyone trying to track me down. I blogged as "Natalie M" and had no location information or email address or anything listed or accessible. Nor did I ever mention where I worked or the names of students. Yet, there's this perception that I was trying to lambaste everyone in the school without heed. That's bollocks.
What bothers me so much about this situation is that what I wrote is being taken out of context. Of my 84 blogs, 60 of them had absolutely nothing to do with school or work. Of the 24 that mentioned it, only some of them were actually focused on it--others may have mentioned it in passing, like if I was listing things that annoyed me that day and wrote without any elaboration that students were annoying that day.
In essence, people are latching onto pieces of what I wrote without A. knowing any back story, and B. knowing the whole story. The student or parents who took it upon themselves to dig up my blog--and be assured that that is what happened, as they were looking for it and didn't just stumble upon it--are the ones who started this fracas, and they also made sure that only pieces of the whole picture came to light. I'm sure the media helped with that second part, too. After all, a juicy story is more exciting to the masses.
In the now-infamous blog that is circulating across the nation, one of the oft-quoted lines is: "I'm being a renegade right now, living on the edge and, um, blogging AT work. However, as I'm blogging about work stuff, I give myself a free pass of conscience." At least one newspaper reports that the timestamp on the post was 9:01 am on a Thursday. What was conspicuously cut out of the story--and what nobody seems to feel like focusing on or even acknowledging--is the paragraph that followed it and said, "For the record, my computer froze and had to be shut down at work; when I rebooted, I didn't bother signing back on to finish this as other things to do came up. At present, then, I'm not being a renegade at all, as I'm writing this at my kitchen table." I actually wrote and posted that blog from home after 7pm. My archived blog time log records the time the post actually went live.
Furthermore, regarding my discussion of comments I'd like to make on report cards, those, too, are somewhat misunderstood. At report card time, we are obliged to add a comment to supplement and/or expand on the letter grades. We are strongly encouraged to use the "canned comments" option, which have a limited number of comments from which teachers may choose to explain students. However, much like options on those magazine quizzes where you sit there scratching your head and mumbling, "Well, I'm a little bit A, but somewhat D, too... um, I wonder what I should pick," some of the options don't work for some of the kids. Some of the students don't fit within the canned comments. And none of them allow teachers to truly reflect any sort of behavior or academic deficiency in any truly negative way. Examples of canned comments are: "cooperative in class," "achieving at ability level," "needs to complete homework," "needs to increase study time," "doesn't take advantage of second chance learning." So I took the opportunity for myself and the possible amusement of my friends--since I was content and expected for everything to stay low-key with only my 7 pals reading my ramblings--to list those real behaviors that exist but that you just aren't allowed to write. (Parents don't want to hear the truth; administrators don't want us to share the truth.) But regardless, they weren't comments meant to fit all students, and nor were they even for every student I wrote "cooperative in class" about--I was just being pithy when I made that joke.
Contrary to what seems to be popular belief, I didn't--and don't--feel negatively toward all students. As I mentioned in another blog that nobody chooses to talk about, there were delightful students in school, too. I fondly discussed some wonderful students who shined in the school's Jazz and Poetry Festival, and I even said that I was proud to be part of the school at events like that.
But the fact remains that every year, more and more, students are coming in less willing to work, to think, to cooperate. These are the students I was complaining about in my blog. The same way millions of Americans go home at the end of the day and complain about select coworkers or clients or other jerks they had to deal with, I came home and complained on my blog about those I had to deal with.
When my boss makes a general comment about something at a faculty meeting that is pointed at certain individuals but not all of us, I don't sit there and think, "I can't believe he said that about me!" I know if it's directed at me or not. I ask myself, "Are these things that I do? No? Then it must be for someone else." I think that most people are probably the same way. In fact, if people have a lack of self-perception, I'd bet they'd err on the side of thinking things are NOT being directed at them. S0 if these students or their parents (again, one of either group who felt the need to dig up year-old blog postings) see my comments and identify themselves or their kids with things they read, that, to me, indicates a problem within themselves. It feels like they're projecting their personal issues onto me. The truth hurts sometimes. Maybe instead of getting pissed off at the person pointing out the behavior, people need to examine their behavior and make a change. Better to know now before the Ghost of Christmas Future shows up.
In reading some of the posts my most angry objectors have written, I've read that I must not have been doing a good job because I couldn't possibly separate my feelings for some of the students from my work. Someone said I must be doing the minimum. That is absolutely not the case. If you read my blogs, you'd have read account after account of the preparatory work I did for lessons. You'd have read about the new lessons and units I'd created to help my students achieve success. I was not shirking my duties in or out of the classroom, regardless of the frustration I felt as a result of the disrespect and disengagement I was living through so often in the classroom. I am a professional and take pride in my work. I am perfectly capable of separating my personal feelings about some of the people I have to work with from the work I accomplish. In that way, I'm also like millions of people around the world; at some point, we all have to work with someone we don't like. But we do it anyway, get the job done, and move along. That's how life works. To suggest otherwise is ridiculous.
As I went to bed Wednesday night, things were about 100% the opposite of 'normal.' As I fell asleep, I couldn't help feeling how surreal the day had been. While I never in a million years would have guessed that this many people would ever see my words, and I didn't even intend them to, I stand by what I wrote and think it's good that people are aware now. There are serious problems with our education system today--with the way that schools and school districts and students and parents take teachers who enter the education field full of life and hope and a desire to change the world and positively impact kids, and beat the life out of them and villanize them and blame them for everything--and those need to be brought to light. If this 'scandal' opens the door for that conversation, so be it.
Let that conversation begin. Stay tuned here.
My alarm rang as normal and I hit snooze as normal. I dressed; ate breakfast (the most important meal of the day!); chatted with a friend during my drive to work; performed my requisite morning duty as lunch-room monitor whereby I'm supposed to "check for sticky fingers"--the thieving kind, not the danish-eating kind--in the food purchase area and make sure kids clean up after themselves in the dining area; and headed up to the planning center to start the day. All as normal.
But then a colleague pulled me aside to tell me that students had somehow found my blog and were all abuzz and up in arms about how I'd cursed and said negative things about students in it. The colleague wanted me to know in case it became a bigger deal.
I didn't realize, however, that it already WAS a big deal.
Within the hour, I was in a meeting with the principal who had a pile of my blogs printed out and sitting before him. Within the next 15 minutes, I was gathering my bags from my office and being escorted from the building.
I realize that maybe this escort out is standard protocol when someone is suspended from her duties, but I had to bite my tongue to keep myself from remarking to the stone-faced principal, "Um, I assure you, you don't need to walk me to the door. My 8.5 month pregnant self is hardly going to freak out on my waddle out of here!" At one point, it was a Natalie sandwich--the principal, giant melon me, followed by the school security guard. Yes, I was quite the threatening figure there. I'm sure it was supposed to be a walk of shame, but I couldn't help but feel it was over-the-top ridiculous under the circumstances. Were they concerned I would cause a scene as I left? Steal some school materials? Graffiti the walls with a parting message? At worst, I may have stopped to use the bathroom--at this point, I can pretty much always pee.
But that was that. I walked out into the morning light and drove back to my house around 9am, still unaware of quite the degree to which this blog had gotten out there.
Around 2 pm, the first reporter showed up at my house. That is when I started to feel violated. We had to pull our drapes so they couldn't peer into the house. My 3-year-old daughter was confused as to the hullabaloo surrounding her. I told her people wanted to take my picture but I didn't want them to. (I didn't know until a couple of hours later that they already had my picture from the blog cache.) I was a big story on the news that night--after the butt injection situation and among some Lindsay felony-theft news. (A shout-out to Lindsay here for trying to keep me out of the limelight, but felony theft ain't what it used to be, particularly when there are more juicy local scandals around town.) Around dinnertime, the second reporter showed up. The calls trickled in most of the day. It was bizarre that I was getting this much attention over something so mundane.
See, what I'd done was written a casual blog. I talked about everything--such exciting topics as our trip to Sesame Place, my favorite (and least favorite) restaurants, my work experiences, the diaper genie. I had 9 followers--2 of whom were my husband and myself, the other 7 were friends. When I started it, my goal was to write 1-3 times a week, though I didn't usually have time to do it that much. I ended up writing 84 blogs between 8/9/09 and 11/25/10. (I remember that, at one point, my track of blogging was about equal with my gym-going, but my gym-going eventually surpassed my blog track. I went there religiously at least 3 times a week until my morning sickness started...) I slowed down at the end, writing only about 10 blogs between June and November. I was too busy with being pregnant, teaching a new curriculum, and being harassed at school to write anything between November and February.
When I wrote, I kept things as anonymous as possible; I know there are crazies out there and I didn't want anyone trying to track me down. I blogged as "Natalie M" and had no location information or email address or anything listed or accessible. Nor did I ever mention where I worked or the names of students. Yet, there's this perception that I was trying to lambaste everyone in the school without heed. That's bollocks.
What bothers me so much about this situation is that what I wrote is being taken out of context. Of my 84 blogs, 60 of them had absolutely nothing to do with school or work. Of the 24 that mentioned it, only some of them were actually focused on it--others may have mentioned it in passing, like if I was listing things that annoyed me that day and wrote without any elaboration that students were annoying that day.
In essence, people are latching onto pieces of what I wrote without A. knowing any back story, and B. knowing the whole story. The student or parents who took it upon themselves to dig up my blog--and be assured that that is what happened, as they were looking for it and didn't just stumble upon it--are the ones who started this fracas, and they also made sure that only pieces of the whole picture came to light. I'm sure the media helped with that second part, too. After all, a juicy story is more exciting to the masses.
In the now-infamous blog that is circulating across the nation, one of the oft-quoted lines is: "I'm being a renegade right now, living on the edge and, um, blogging AT work. However, as I'm blogging about work stuff, I give myself a free pass of conscience." At least one newspaper reports that the timestamp on the post was 9:01 am on a Thursday. What was conspicuously cut out of the story--and what nobody seems to feel like focusing on or even acknowledging--is the paragraph that followed it and said, "For the record, my computer froze and had to be shut down at work; when I rebooted, I didn't bother signing back on to finish this as other things to do came up. At present, then, I'm not being a renegade at all, as I'm writing this at my kitchen table." I actually wrote and posted that blog from home after 7pm. My archived blog time log records the time the post actually went live.
Furthermore, regarding my discussion of comments I'd like to make on report cards, those, too, are somewhat misunderstood. At report card time, we are obliged to add a comment to supplement and/or expand on the letter grades. We are strongly encouraged to use the "canned comments" option, which have a limited number of comments from which teachers may choose to explain students. However, much like options on those magazine quizzes where you sit there scratching your head and mumbling, "Well, I'm a little bit A, but somewhat D, too... um, I wonder what I should pick," some of the options don't work for some of the kids. Some of the students don't fit within the canned comments. And none of them allow teachers to truly reflect any sort of behavior or academic deficiency in any truly negative way. Examples of canned comments are: "cooperative in class," "achieving at ability level," "needs to complete homework," "needs to increase study time," "doesn't take advantage of second chance learning." So I took the opportunity for myself and the possible amusement of my friends--since I was content and expected for everything to stay low-key with only my 7 pals reading my ramblings--to list those real behaviors that exist but that you just aren't allowed to write. (Parents don't want to hear the truth; administrators don't want us to share the truth.) But regardless, they weren't comments meant to fit all students, and nor were they even for every student I wrote "cooperative in class" about--I was just being pithy when I made that joke.
Contrary to what seems to be popular belief, I didn't--and don't--feel negatively toward all students. As I mentioned in another blog that nobody chooses to talk about, there were delightful students in school, too. I fondly discussed some wonderful students who shined in the school's Jazz and Poetry Festival, and I even said that I was proud to be part of the school at events like that.
But the fact remains that every year, more and more, students are coming in less willing to work, to think, to cooperate. These are the students I was complaining about in my blog. The same way millions of Americans go home at the end of the day and complain about select coworkers or clients or other jerks they had to deal with, I came home and complained on my blog about those I had to deal with.
When my boss makes a general comment about something at a faculty meeting that is pointed at certain individuals but not all of us, I don't sit there and think, "I can't believe he said that about me!" I know if it's directed at me or not. I ask myself, "Are these things that I do? No? Then it must be for someone else." I think that most people are probably the same way. In fact, if people have a lack of self-perception, I'd bet they'd err on the side of thinking things are NOT being directed at them. S0 if these students or their parents (again, one of either group who felt the need to dig up year-old blog postings) see my comments and identify themselves or their kids with things they read, that, to me, indicates a problem within themselves. It feels like they're projecting their personal issues onto me. The truth hurts sometimes. Maybe instead of getting pissed off at the person pointing out the behavior, people need to examine their behavior and make a change. Better to know now before the Ghost of Christmas Future shows up.
In reading some of the posts my most angry objectors have written, I've read that I must not have been doing a good job because I couldn't possibly separate my feelings for some of the students from my work. Someone said I must be doing the minimum. That is absolutely not the case. If you read my blogs, you'd have read account after account of the preparatory work I did for lessons. You'd have read about the new lessons and units I'd created to help my students achieve success. I was not shirking my duties in or out of the classroom, regardless of the frustration I felt as a result of the disrespect and disengagement I was living through so often in the classroom. I am a professional and take pride in my work. I am perfectly capable of separating my personal feelings about some of the people I have to work with from the work I accomplish. In that way, I'm also like millions of people around the world; at some point, we all have to work with someone we don't like. But we do it anyway, get the job done, and move along. That's how life works. To suggest otherwise is ridiculous.
As I went to bed Wednesday night, things were about 100% the opposite of 'normal.' As I fell asleep, I couldn't help feeling how surreal the day had been. While I never in a million years would have guessed that this many people would ever see my words, and I didn't even intend them to, I stand by what I wrote and think it's good that people are aware now. There are serious problems with our education system today--with the way that schools and school districts and students and parents take teachers who enter the education field full of life and hope and a desire to change the world and positively impact kids, and beat the life out of them and villanize them and blame them for everything--and those need to be brought to light. If this 'scandal' opens the door for that conversation, so be it.
Let that conversation begin. Stay tuned here.
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